


AMA 2: Shitpost Edition

by JuneLuxray



Series: AMA [2]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Gen, crackfic, not canon to main AMA series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-01-20 22:18:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12442947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuneLuxray/pseuds/JuneLuxray
Summary: AMA part 2. Has no forseeable end; just the PTs having fun on the Phan-site answering questions.





	1. Chapter 1

ADMIN: PTs are bored, decided to rescind their decision and have another AMA out of boredom. No serious questions, please. Let the fun begin.  
  
Anon: pls share stories of your leader being a doof, go  
  
Joker: NO  
  
Oracle: MY TIME HAS COME  
  
Skull: FUCK YES THIS IS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN  
  
Oracle: I'll start: Joker hits buttons like Booker DeWitt and smashes things by crushing them against the wall with his shoe.  
  
Skull: Except one time he did this, he missed and fell flat on his ass with his legs and arms in the air. It was effin' hilarious.  
  
Anon: LMFAO!!  
  
Anon: The leader of the Phantom Thieves ladies and gentlemen  
  
Anon: Joker is so Extra™  
  
Joker: Am not.  
  
Queen: ...Are you sure about that, Joker?  
  
Panther: He likes to act like he's Batman, but this is the man who tries to hit buttons like we mentioned, breaks things and busts open doors with his boot, back-flips when the opportunity arises, and flips things in his hands just for the sake of looking cool.   
  
Mona: You haven't even mentioned the part when he jumped on Shadows and yelled I'LL REVEAL YOUR TRUE FORM before backflipping off whenever he managed to sneak up on them.  
  
Oracle: Joker is so Extra™ that it hurts.  
  
Anon: _I love him_  
  
Anon: Joker: looks like he could kill you, but is actually a cinnamon roll  
  
Mona: Then there's that time he was late to school, but the gate was closed, so he tried to vault himself over the gate only to totally face-plant into the wall. He knocked himself out and broke his nose.  
  
Anon: ASDFGHHJKJLALGHHAHJGJB IM SOBBING  
  
Anon: Joker im so sorry but that's fuckin hilarious  
  
Anon: IM PISSING MYSELF HOLY SHIT I CANT BREATHE  
  
Anon: Joker I love u but ur a fuckin mess  
  
Joker: Why are you all so mean to me?  
  
Panther: Because we love you!  
  
Queen: And also so you are dissuaded from trying to act up and hurt yourself again. You've sustained numerous injuries in the name of looking cool.  
  
Fox: Try as he may to hide himself, masked as he may try to be, our leader is fully in tune with his inner emotions. Once, we went to a fireworks festival, and the girls told him to go and not wear his glasses. Evidently he thought that they would find him attractive. They ended up not noticing because of the rain that interrupted the festival, and he wept quietly, though he denies it, for his beauty was not seen. It was a thing of beauty, his glistening tears upon his unbespectacled face.  
  
Oracle: OH MY GOD INARI  
  
Anon: Inari das gay  
  
Anon: watch out Queen, Fox is out to steal your man  
  
Queen: That's really not how he meant it...  
  
Joker: I am VERY pretty, though, Queen. All I'm missing are shojo sparkles.  
  
Queen: JOKER.  
  
Anon: LMAO  
  
Anon: I need the fanart of sparkly Joker like right now  
  
Joker: Okay, but I mean like  _shojo_ sparkles. Not the _Twilight_  sparkles. Real men don't have sparkly dicks in the sun.  
  
Anon: AAFHSGJIABUZPGBSUIFBAIZFBGSKGBAIKGHBVIABVAI;LGBVAWSI;GBV IM CRYING  
  
Queen: Onto a cuter story: when Joker got his wisdom teeth removed, he acted very uninhibited under the effects of anesthetic. He started off by telling the nurses that they "did such a good job" repeatedly and that he was proud of them.  
  
Anon:  _AWWWWWWW_  
  
Skull: Wait, wait, it gets better. He proceeded to talk all the way home about how much he loves us, so much, and started crying over "what wonderful friends I have" and "I don't deserve such good people, I love you all so much."   
  
Anon: JOKER OH MY GOD YOU SWEETHEART  
  
Joker: I WAS ON DRUGS IT MEANT NOTHING  
  
Anon: EXCUSE YOU THIS MEANS EVERYTHING  
  
Anon:

 

Joker: LET'S MOVE ALONG FROM THIS TOPIC

Anon: JOKER PLS 

Joker: Okay, you know what? Fine. We're doing embarrassing stories about the rest of the PTs now.

Skull: WHAT NO

Panther: I'M SORRY LET'S STOP NOW

Anon: YAAAAAAAS

Joker: This is gonna be good... 

Oracle: Joker I will doxx u istg

Joker: YOU'VE ALREADY DOXXED ME, YOU HAVE NOTHING ON ME.

Anon: LET THE SHOW BEGIN


	2. Chapter 2

Joker: One time when we were just looking around, Fox stopped the party so he could paint the surroundings.   
  
Joker: We said "Okay, yeah, sure" and stopped-- we were getting kind of fatigued anyways.   
  
Joker: But then we heard rattling chains advancing. That's the sound we heard right before getting jumped by the Reaper, so we started yelling at him to pack it up so we could run.   
  
Skull: He got mad because he hadn't even made so much as a brushstroke and LAYS DOWN ON THE GROUND AND REFUSES TO GET UP UNTIL HE'S DONE PAINTING.  
  
Joker: So I asked him if he would get up if I bought him candy. He said no. I asked if he would for ice cream. He said "okay, done, let's go" and got up, and we fled.  
  
Anon: Fox wtf  
  
Anon: LMAO INARI  
  
Fox: A true artist stops for no one and nothing!  
  
Anon: FOX YOU GUYS WOULD HAVE DIED   
  
Fox:  _For art!_  
  
Anon: _FOX NO_  
  
Anon:  **F O X**  
  
Anon: Fox be like 

  
  
Joker: Another good one: back when we still stole hearts, we had a bus we drove around-- not on the roads, no one needs to worry. I now have a license and so does Queen. Anyways, I usually drove, and sometimes we got the jump on Shadows with the van, crashing into them and instantly killing them.   
  
Joker: Anyways, I got one, and we were all like "yay, good job, let's keep going!" But Mona and Skull got into an argument, and Mona basically said Skull can't drive worth shit. Skull gets pissy and decides that he'll drive.  
  
Mona: WE ALMOST DIED, HE SLAMMED THE PEDAL IN REVERSE AND THEN TRIED TO STOP THE CAR USING THE PARKING BRAKE, WE ALMOST HIT A WALL, EVERYONE WAS SCREAMING, I ALMOST THREW UP, 0/10 WOULD NOT LET SKULL DRIVE AGAIN  
  
Anon: RIP  
  
Anon: Skull do you need like... tips on driving? I can help if you want.  
  
Skull: NO!  
  
Fox: I thought it was an exciting drive!  
  
Joker: Then he wanted to drive next, so we let him. Fox is the complete opposite of Skull. He drives like an old lady.   
  
Fox: I was proceeding at a steady five miles per hour! The rule is to go slow when visibility is poor!  
  
Mona: That was fine and dandy until Joker said he heard something, and THE REAPER APPEARED BEHIND THE BUS AND STARTED CHASING US  
  
Skull: Everyone was screaming at Fox to floor it but he was all like "BUT THE SPEED LIMIT"  
  
Oracle: We made it. Narrowly. We almost died. 0/10.  
  
Anon: oh my god  
  
Anon: Fox, honey...  
  
Anon: im cackling  
  
Joker: Wait, it's not over yet. Panther gave them shit for their driving, Skull told her that she wasn't in any place to talk, so she said she'd drive back.  
  
Anon: oh no  
  
Joker: So she slammed on the pedal and we killed a bunch of Shadows but IT WAS TERRIFYING WE ALMOST CRASHED LIKE A DOZEN TIMES  
  
Panther: At least I did a better job than Fox and Skull!  
  
Skull: No you didn't!  
  
Panther: Shut up! You suck at driving too!  
  
Anon:

   
  
Anon: what does the van look like?  
  
Mona: It's very stylish! It's basically a black van with a yellow stripe along the back, but with cat ears on top for flair!  
  
Anon: I LOVE IT  
  
Anon: anyways the only people who should be driving out of y'all is Joker and Queen  
  
Joker: Alright, I will be merciful and stop the embarrassing stories here.  
  
Skull: MERCIFUL MY ASS  
  
Fox: Wait, I have one more about Oracle.  
  
Oracle: FOX DON'T YOU DARE  
  
Fox: We were facing a particularly difficult foe. I, Joker, Skull, and Noir were all exhausted. Oracle operates in an exclusively supportive role as a healer and navigator, and is excellent at her job, but is by no means a combatant.   
  
Fox: She tried to come down to help us fight, so I pulled her back by the arms and away. "It's dangerous to come down from there." I told her.   
  
Oracle: AND I TOLD YOU TO UNHAND ME I COULD HAVE HELPED  
  
Fox: You have no combative abilities! You would have been in danger!  
  
Oracle: FITE ME INARI (ง •̀_•́)ง   
  
Fox: No, because you can't fight!  
  
Oracle: SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR KNEES  
  
Anon: FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT  
  
Anon: POPCORN PLS  
  
Joker:

Fox: Sorry, Joker...  
  
Oracle: Grr...  
  
Anon: Team DadTM has spoken.  
  
Joker: next question, please.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter before I wrote either of the two other chapters. Enjoy the double update.

Anon: Without going into methods, can you tell us even a little about what it was like to get your powers?  
  
Fox: All we can tell you is that the process is quite painful.  
  
Skull: Understatement! It HURTS! It hurts like a motherfucker! Like, imagine the worst pain you've ever been in, and turn that up to 11 to whole-body, but especially the head. That's what it's like.  
  
Anon: Why does it hurt so much?? Wtf??   
  
Joker: That goes into methods if we go into too much detail, but it only hurts when you initially get the abilities we had. After that, it's painless, and the initial pain rarely lasts more than a minute.  
  
Skull: Joker was unlucky; it went on for like two minutes for him and he had no idea what was happening to him, and neither did I, and I was the only one there. It was basically just us, a pair of teenage boys FREAKING THE FUCK OUT.  
  
Skull: Then we found Mona, and I wanted to investigate what we saw the next day, and it ended up happening to me, too.  
  
Anon: you poor babies oh my god  
  
~~Anon: ...this explains so much as to why Sakamoto and Amamiya were late to school the day Amamiya arrived~~  
  
Mona: The only one who didn't fall to their hands and knees, with the exception of Joker and Panther because they were restrained, was Queen. Queen only screamed twice out loud during the whole thing. It was mostly just heavy breathing for her plus some whimpering.  
  
Mona: Actually, the last scream sounded more like a battle-cry than anything.  
  
Queen: That's embarrassing...  
  
Anon: Hot  
  
Anon: I love you Queen  
  
Skull: Joker screamed a lot, too, but in his defense, he had no idea what the fuck was happening to him. Queen knew what was happening to her, so I think that helped.  
  
Anon: So who screamed the most?  
  
Mona: Skull. He was screaming nonstop for a full minute, and he knew what was happening to him. He also cried the most.   
  
Skull: MONA YOU LITTLE FINK, SHUT UP!!  
  
Anon: LMAO SKULL  
  
Mona: It's not my fault you're a wimp.  
  
Skull: You wanna say that to my face?!  
  
Mona: I think I will!  
  
Joker: Enough!  
  
~~Anon: Is Skull seriously about to fight a cat~~  
  
~~Anon: SKULL BACK OUT NOW HE HAS CLAWS, YOU WILL LOSE~~  
  
Joker: Let's continue on. The both of you should grow up.  
  
Skull: Sorry, Leader...  
  
Anon: Joker yet again lays down the law  
  
Panther: Fox also only screamed, like, once, but he fell on his hands and knees. He dug his fingers into the floor so hard they started bleeding.  
  
Fox: It was excruciating. I've never known such pain in my life.  
  
Anon: Was it REALLY that bad?  
  
Joker: Okay. Look back at those pictures of me all beaten up and stuff. That was a skip in the park compared to what getting our abilities is like, if we're talking the highest level of pain endured.  I'd still argue that getting beaten up was worse, because unlike getting our abilities, I was in pain for weeks.  
  
Skull: Seconded.  
  
Anon: y i k e s  
  
Anon: this sounds a lot like y'all had really bad cluster headaches  
  
Joker: I don't know, none of us are afflicted with cluster headaches, but I would bet it's at a similar pain level, but it doesn't last nearly as long.  
  
Anon: YIKES  
  
Anon: What about Panther?  
  
Mona: She didn't scream that much, really. She yelled in surprise when it started, and screamed twice after that. She writhed more than anything.  
  
Panther: I don't want to think about it.  
  
Anon: What about you, Mona?  
  
Mona: Don't remember, actually. They weren't present for when it happened to me, and I can't even remember.  
  
Anon: What was it like for Akechi?  
  
Joker: We don't know. He got his abilities two years before us.  
  
Oracle: Bet he screamed a lot, though.  
  
Joker: Oh, you know who didn't scream AT ALL? Noir and Oracle.  
  
Noir: I did fall down, though... it was truly awful.  
  
Oracle: I don't think I count. I got my abilities in a slightly different way than you guys, and it didn't cause nearly as much physical pain. I was unconscious for a long time afterwards, though. The kick-back is strong.  
  
Anon: Noir continues to be terrifying  
  
Anon: THE GIRLS ON THIS TEAM ARE METAL AS FUCK  
  
Anon: Boys: scream like banshees, girls: take it like the champs they are.   
  
Joker: I can't refute that, tbh. It's true.  
  
Skull: True, the girls on this team are terrifying.  
  
Noir: Just the way it should be! ^^  
  
Anon: Okay, but do any of you have... ANY abilities still?  
  
Joker: None that come to mind?  
  
Mona: Joker can still do this thing where he can hyper-focus and see tiny details and find anything, even fingerprints, but that's the extent of it. We don't know why he can still do that.  
  
Joker: I guess? If that counts, it's a lame one, because all I use it for these days is looking for missing keys and stuff.  
  
Anon: hi Apollo Justice  
  
Anon: that is actually a super useful ability, wtf are you talking about  
  
Anon: COOL  
  
Anon: tell me what your thief eyes see, Joker  
  
Anon: does this mean ur a Hufflepuff  
  
Joker: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Anyways, that's all that's left. We have no abilities.  
  
~~Anon: Bullshit, you can all still talk to Mona. Can you do that with other animals?~~  
  
~~Anon: okay but how and why can you guys talk to Mona?~~  
  
~~Anon: Yeah we've seen you at school talking to the cat like it's nbd~~

Mona: **_I AM NOT A CAT!!!_**  
  
ADMIN: Mona is not a cat! How many times must they tell you this?  
  
Anon:

   
  
Anon:

 

  
Mona: Even if I  _was_  one, why would that be out of the realm of possibilities with the stuff we could do?

Anon: Touche.

Anon: WE LOVE YOU MONA

Mona:

 

Joker: Ugh, you know what? This isn't going anywhere. Next question.


	4. Chapter 4

Anon: So how did y'all figure out Akechi was gonna betray y'all?  
  
Oracle: Don't ask how we got this, but have a listen to this. (Attached: Akechiufuck.wav)  
  
Anon:  _Jesus Christ_  
  
Anon: thats fucked up  
  
Anon: that is  _EXTREMELY_  fucked up  
  
Anon:  **what the fuck**  
  
Anon: this is actually extremely disturbing when you compare it to how Akechi acted in public, this gave me the chills  
  
Anon: this is like supervillain level shit  
  
Anon: whats a palace?  
  
Mona: PT jargon; we say people we change the hearts of have a "Palace" which we then "collapse."  
  
Anon: Akechi makes it sound like it's an actual place you guys go to  
  
Joker: Classified.  
  
Anon: okay but was the guard okay??  
  
Queen: No need to worry; we accounted for him in our plan. He lived, and we don't know where he is now, but he had no idea what was going on. He still doesn't need to know.   
  
Joker: We weren't going to let any more lives be taken by him.   
  
Anon: okay good  
  
Anon: @ whoever the guard was in charge of Joker, the PTs saved your life

Anon: What was it like working with Akechi when you knew he was going to betray you?

Queen: We spent the whole time working our plan to thwart him; we proceeded as we usually do while keeping him in the dark.

Skull: It was bad. I wanted to bash his face in every waking moment.

Joker: I had vague hopes I knew would never come into fruition that Akechi would change using the magic of friendship, so I was nice to him, but I knew it was for naught.

Joker: Still, I felt as though the attempt was worth it. One last chance for him to stop, not that he took it. He killed people we know, so it's not like we could have forgiven him, though.

Anon: Joker too good for this world

Fox: Indeed. He has an incredible patience. For the most part, however, our behavior towards him was not terribly welcoming, but it almost seemed as though he enjoyed doing what we do, for a time.

Panther: In the end, he sort of redeemed himself. He sacrificed himself for us... so he did realize he was wrong, but not until it was too late.

Joker: I want to move on from this. I don't want to talk about Akechi.

Oracle: Same.

Anon: In hopefully brighter news, how has your year been since then?  
  
Oracle: Well, it could be better. I lost my dear older brother this year...  
  
Joker: Quit telling everyone I'm dead!  
  
Oracle: Sometimes I can still hear his voice.  
  
Anon: LMAO  
  
Joker: listen I hear this joke from EVERYONE, ALL THE TIME.  
  
Joker: "This year I lost my friend/boyfriend/son/big brother"   
  
Joker: They even got Oracle's dad (he's basically also my dad) in on the joke...  
  
Joker: I am in pain.  
  
Anon: no ur dead cant u read what Oracle wrote  
  
Anon: RIP Joker  
  
Joker: I went through hell and this is how I'm repaid...  
  
Joker: With memes at my expense.  
  
Anon: accept your role in the universe  
  
Anon: Anyways... will you guys ever tell us about your weapons?  
  
Anon: Noir already told us she has an ax...  
  
Joker: Eh... fine. BUT, for the record, so the cops don't try to arrest me again: all our weapons are made of plastic. They're harmless. How do we use them? We won't tell you.  
  
Joker: I have a dagger.  
  
Anon: ...this only lends itself to more memes  
  
Oracle: You bet your ass this joke flies around our hangout all the time:  
  
Skull: "Hey, Joker, what do you have?" "A KNIFE!" "NO--"  
  
Joker: Yeah, yeah.  
  
Skull: I have a bat. It's pretty sweet. Joker sucks at swinging it.  
  
Joker: I strike out every single ball in the batting cages ONE TIME...  
  
Panther: I have a whip. The boys are afraid of it.  
  
Skull: When you first got it, you swung it around like a madwoman! We almost got whipped like a dozen times!  
  
Panther: If you weren't standing so close, you wouldn't have!  
  
Mona: I have a falchion.  
  
~~Anon: ...Okay but how do you hold it with your paws~~  
  
~~Anon: Do you hold it with your mouth?~~  
  
Mona: I AM NOT A CAT!!!  
  
~~Anon: are you an otherkin Mona?~~  
  
Mona: What?  
  
~~Anon: A human-kin?~~  
  
Mona: Screw you.

~~Anon:~~

   
  
Fox: I have a katana. I often had trouble deciding between brush maintenance and katana maintenance... there's an art involved with both.  
  
Anon: nice  
  
Queen: I have a pair of brass knuckles. I was a fist fighter.  
  
Anon: hot  
  
Queen: Do you want to get smacked?  
  
Anon: yes please  
  
Queen: ... What??  
  
Joker: Ahem.  
  
Joker:

   
  
Anon: Joker don't even pretend like u scandalized

Oracle:

  
  
Joker: ORACLE NO

Joker: you guys are not helping...

Queen: Let's move on. Please.

Oracle: My weapon is my MIND. Oooh...  
  
Fox: Oracle does not have a weapon. She operated in a support role.  
  
Oracle: Go to hell, Inari. My skills _are_ a weapon.  
  
Anon: so when are you two gonna kiss  
  
Oracle: GROSS  
  
Fox: Why do you people keep asking that?  
  
Anon: bc the tension is real  
  
Joker: Ugh... let's continue.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short update. 
> 
> I've been receiving a lot of requests for P4 characters to show up. I've tried a few times, but I'm having trouble making it work. 
> 
> Also: if the newest Persona Q is, for some reason, NOT a P4/P5 crossover, then I will write a P4/P5 crossover.
> 
> Also, I HC that some of the songs in the OST are in-universe pop songs or something, considering you hear one on the radio at the end of the game.

Anon: I wanna see a pic of that one penis monster Shadow you guys talked about in the last AMA.  
  
Oracle:

   
  
Anon: No, I wanna see.  
  
Joker: No, you don't.  
  
Panther: No, you don't.  
  
Oracle: NOPE  
  
Skull: No you don't  
  
Queen: No, you don't.  
  
Fox: No, you do not.  
  
Mona: No, you don't.  
  
Noir: You really don't...  
  
Anon: pls?  
  
Oracle: Alright, fine, but look at it at your own risk. NSFW/NSFL.  **Attached: OhGodWhy.png**  
  
Anon: I just threw up in my mouth a little, thanks  
  
Anon:

   
  
Anon: risky click  
  
Anon: ...EYE BLEACH. I NEED EYE BLEACH  
  
Anon: That thing came at you??   
  
Joker: Oh, not just ONE of them, no. Five or so. Down a dark hallway.  
  
Anon: Holy shit I would have shit my pants and died  
  
Oracle: Everyone was screaming like banshees, it was so loud  
  
Anon: I would have been too tbh  
  
Anon: ...it's kinda hot tbh  
  
Skull: @ anon what the hell and fuck is wrong with you??  
  
Joker: Great, now I have to kinkshame an anon.  
  
Panther: Ewww! Ew, ew, ew!!  
  
Fox: How revolting.  
  
Mona: I'm going to claw my eyes out, thanks.  
  
Queen: ...Please think before you post.  
  
Oracle:

  
  
Anon: AM I BEING KINKSHAMED BY THE PHANTOM THIEVES  
  
Anon: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PTs PLEASE KEEP KINKSHAMING THAT ANON  
  
Joker: Listen, just... go to church, or a shrine, or a temple, or a mosque, whatever place of worship you prefer, and stay there for about the rest of your life.  
  
Anon: im pissing myself that guy just got kinkshamed by the PTs  
  
Anon: Did you guys have any music you listened to when doing PT stuff?  
  
Joker: We sometimes played _Last Surprise_ in fights, because we typically ambushed enemies.  
  
Anon: Appropriate choice  
  
Noir: There's nothing more satisfying than singing _"You'll never see it coooomiiiing!"_ as you kill a Shadow. (〃＾▽＾〃)  
  
Anon: im scared  
  
Anon: NEW MEME  
  
Oracle: STORY TIME: we took turns choosing the playlist we listened to in the van while we worked. One time it was Joker's turn and he started playing _A Thousand Miles_ while charging into Shadows and running them over as a reference to [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeSdSrCKp-8&list=LLihS-BEJdmplbib1-fQ-4sg&index=2), which will make him laugh without fail.  
  
Skull: Oh, that was good! Holy shit, I'm laughing just thinking about it!  
  
Noir: Half the car was singing along during it! It was so much fun!  
  
Panther: It was hilarious. That was the single funniest thing that we've ever done in that van.  
  
Fox: I beg to differ. I ended up throwing up from all the bouncing and crashing...  
  
Mona: You almost threw up on ME! How do you think I felt?!  
  
Queen: Even I was getting a little nauseous...  
  
Joker: hold on, I'm sorry, I'm watching that video again and laughing, holy shit I can't breathe  
  
Joker: Okay, I'm okay now. Totally worth it.  
  
Oracle: The song after that was  _What is Love!_  
  
Joker: _BABY DON'T HURT ME_  
  
Skull:  _DON'T HURT ME_  
  
Oracle: _NO MORE_  
  
Queen: Oh, no... what have you done? Now they're doing the head-bobbing thing.  
  
Fox: Stop... my stomach is getting queasy just thinking about it...  
  
Anon: you meme-loving fucks  
  
Anon: What next?  
  
Oracle:  _Never Gonna Give You Up._  The entire car groaned, even Inari.  
  
Mona: Joker lost playlist privileges after that.  
  
Joker: I rick-roll the entire party _one time..._  
  
Queen: You abused your privilege and you know it.  
  
Anon: Joker u troll  
  
Anon: Joker oh my  _god_  
  
Anon: The Phantom Thieves CONFIRMED to all be big dorks  
  
Joker: Next question, please.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter in which I stop giving a fuck. Fuck it, it's not like this is canon anyways. I'll do what I want. Not canonical to main AMA series anymore.
> 
> Also, suicide mention TW.

Anon: So... is Akechi actually dead?   
  
Joker: Yes. I don't want to talk about Akechi.  
  
Anon: Can we at least know what happened?  
  
Joker: If I answer you, will you stop asking about him?  
  
Anon: Yes.  
  
Anon: Yup  
  
Joker: Fine.  
  
Joker: Akechi attacked us, and we managed to fight him off. We talked him down after that, and we think he was about to surrender and join us, when...  
  
Oracle: A lot of Shadows appeared. A LOT of them. More than we could handle. However, they all appeared by Akechi.   
  
Joker: We were inside a bulkhead, so he shot a button closing off his side with a partition we couldn't penetrate, effectively locking himself in with all the Shadows.   
  
Fox: We were shouting and pounding on the partition, demanding to know if he was trying to get himself killed. He told us to run, and to take down Shido for him.  
  
Joker: He asked me to promise him we would. So I promised him.  
  
Mona: Then there was a gunshot, and he went silent.   
  
Oracle: I couldn't detect his presence after that. Akechi died by his own hand to save us.  
  
Anon: Oh...  
  
Anon: Fuck, that's sad  
  
Anon: I mean, Akechi was a fuck, but... he saved your lives at the end  
  
Anon: Are you guys okay? I imagine that was a real shock.  
  
Joker: We're okay. It was a shock, and I don't know why, but... I mourned, a little.   
  
Anon: I think you saw the good in him deep down, Joker. You believed in him. Doesn't change the fact he did terrible things, but you thought he could change.  
  
Joker: He did. In the end, our wishes became one in the same.  
  
Anon: At least you guys carried out his final wishes. Good job.  
  
Joker: And that's that. No more talk about Akechi. It hurts too much.  
  
Anon: I'm sorry, Joker.  
  
Joker: I'm fine. Let's stop here.  
  
Anon: Shit we need something to lighten the mood  
  
Queen: Change the subject. Quickly.  
  
Anon: Wait. WAITWAITWAIT. I've got something.  
  
Anon: ONE CUTE FACT ABOUT EACH OF THE PHANTOM THIEVES PLEASE  
  
Oracle: Ooh, an excellent choice.  
  
Joker: Haven't we done enough on cute stuff already? I mean... what a topic change.  
  
Panther: SHUT UP JOKER LET'S HAVE THE CUTE STUFF OUT  
  
Joker: Oh no  
  
Skull: Panther LOVES sweets and insists on making us try them with her, and she spoils the shit out of all of us. Her motto is "treat yourself!"  
  
Panther: Shh!  
  
Anon: AW  
  
Panther: Alright, then, you wanna play? Let's play. Skull is a HUGE mama's boy. The biggest mama's boy of all!  
  
Skull: THAT AIN'T TRUE  
  
Anon: ASDFGHJKS CALLED IT  
  
Anon: YOU CUTIE  
  
Skull: STOP  
  
Oracle: For Inari: one time Joker was opening a chest, the girls got excited and surrounded him, arms all around him and each other as they craned their necks to see, even pushing over poor Skull  
  
Oracle: Inari thought they were running in for a group hug, so he grabbed Mona and Skull and pulled them into the dogpile into a group hug and then said he was having the time of his life with his friends. Then I dropped down and joined the impromptu group hug.  
  
Fox: It was the time of our lives.  
  
Anon:  _my heart_  
  
Anon: PURE  
  
Anon: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC  
  
Joker: Noir is an avid gardener, and regularly brings by veggies for me to cook and serve; we have little get-togethers all the time over what she brings me and what I cook.  
  
Anon: My heart  
  
Anon: yes hello I'd like whatever Joker cooks  
  
Oracle: Good luck finding something about me!  
  
Joker: Oh? Is that a challenge?  
  
Joker: 1. Oracle has a book of good deeds and she purposely goes out and helps people for her book of good deeds and 2. she likes it when I or our dad pats her on the head for a job well done.  
  
Anon: AAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW  
  
Anon: ORACLE YOU'RE SO CUTE  
  
Oracle: BETRAYAL   
  
Oracle: ALRIGHT, YOU WANNA PLAY? LET'S PLAY, YOU PUNK  
  
Oracle: JOKER KEEPS A FOLDER WITH 100+ CAT AND DOG PICTURES ON HIS LAPTOP IN A FOLDER ENTITLED "Homework" SO NO ONE LOOKS AT IT  
  
Panther: I'M CRYING I'M LAUGHING SO HARD IT HURTS  
  
Joker: YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T TELL ANYONE  
  
Anon: SCREAMING HOLY FUCK JOKER THAT'S SO CUTE  
  
Skull: IM LAGUGHING SO HARD HOLY SHIT I CANT BREATHE  
  
Anon: I DEMAND THE PICS  
  
Anon: PICS NOW  
  
Joker: NO  
  
Anon: S H O W  U S  T H E  P I C S  
  
Oracle: I HAVE OBTAINED THE CAT AND DOG PICS FROM HIS COMPUTER **Attached: homework.zip**  
  
Anon: C A T S  A N D  D O G S  O B T A I N E D  
  
Anon: 10/10 excellent collection   
  
Joker: I quit  
  
Oracle: The hell you do, I have more.  
  
Oracle: all attempts to tame Joker's hair have failed. The most we can do is comb it so it's less messy, and even then, it poofs right back up after like an hour.  
  
Panther: IT'S SO SOFT, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO RESIST RUNNING YOUR FINGERS THROUGH IT  
  
Anon: I KNEW IT  
  
Anon: Joker's hair is like 99% poof  
  
Oracle: can confirm, is 99% poof by volume  
  
Joker: QUEEN IS A BIG BUCHIMARU-KUN FAN  
  
Queen: Why are you changing the subject?!  
  
Joker: Honey please  
  
Queen: Ugh.  
  
Anon: CUTE  
  
Panther: And Mona is the cutest Phantom Thief of them all, by appearance!  
  
Mona: NO I'M NOT!!  
  
~~Anon: dude you're a cat, you automatically win that round~~  
  
Mona: I am NOT a cat!! I AM A HUMAN! An honest-to-god human!  
  
~~Anon: enough of the circle-jerk on that already, no one minds that you're a cat with human intelligence~~  
  
Anon: Listen, if Mona identifies as a human, then don't call him a cat.  
  
Mona: You, Anon. I like you. You're now Anon #1.  
  
Oracle:

  
  
ADMIN: I'm logging you in with that username. Congrats, Anon #1.  
  
Anon #1: SUCCESS  
  
Anon #1: I have one question of my own, though.  
  
Joker: What is it?  
  
Anon #1: Just a simple one, really.  
  
Anon #1: Are you Persona users?  
  
Anon: whats a Persona?  
  
Anon: whats that  
  
Anon #1: If I'm right, they know what it is.  
  
Anon: What's taking them so long to respond?  
  
Anon: hello? are you guys still there?  
  
ADMIN: Something has come up. Give the Phantom Thieves a few moments, please.  
  
Anon #1: I can wait all day.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what's going on anymore. So glad this is an AU, sort of. Or not canon, in any event. I've traded logic for shits and giggles.

"What the fuck," Ryuji uttered after a moment of dead silence, "what the fuck, what the fuck, _what the fuck?_  WHAT DO WE DO?!"  
  
Futaba didn't respond. She began typing rapidly while the others fussed. "C- Calm down, Ryuji," Ann replied hesitantly, "maybe they're--"  
  
"Are there more Persona users out there outside of your group?" Mishima questioned, wide-eyed. Eyes fell to Ren, who swallowed hard and nodded.   
  
"Yeah. Igor said there had been others who had signed a 'contract' in the Velvet Room, so it stands to reason that there's others. I don't think we're the first to gain Personas."  
  
"There have been others," Morgana replied calmly, "maybe they've found us. Figured it out by the context of the clues we've given out."  
  
"Is this our fault?" Yusuke questioned aloud. "Perhaps this was a bad decision..."  
  
"Well, it's too late now," Makoto said with a sigh, "how are we going to address this?"  
  
Mishima glanced down at his laptop and winced. "The chat's going insane..."  
  
"Found Anon #1," Futaba replied quickly, "I checked his login credentials. It's a guy in Inaba with the name Yu Narukami, assuming he used his real name when he made his account." She continued typing as the others watched her work. "I'm contacting him directly."  
  
"Is that wise?" Makoto questioned, and Futaba scoffed.  
  
"I'm using Alibaba, like that time I contacted Ren way back when I needed you guys to change my heart. We're safe."

* * *

  
"Look at the chatboard, holy shit."  
  
"Was this a good idea, senpai...?"  
  
"Why aren't they saying anything?"  
  
Yu Narukami shrugged. "We had to find out somehow. I want to know what happened last Christmas eve."  
  
Yosuke met his friend's eyes and shrugged. "Another god messing things up, right? 'Course, had to make the world all creepy and red."  
  
"The world fused with the other world." Naoto said bluntly. "We were able to summon our Personas again, at least until it was all over... and yet no one remembers a thing except for us, the Shadow Ops, the Phantom Thieves, Yu's uncle, and Nanako. We need answers."  
  
Teddie leaned over Yu's shoulder as a chatbox popped up on the screen, eyes wide. "Yu! Yu, look!"  
  
"I see it, Teddie."  
  
"Who's it from, though?" Kanji questioned. Chie scoffed at him.  
  
"Who do you think? It's probably the Phantom Thieves!" she said as all leaned in to look at the screen.

* * *

Alibaba: Hello, Yu Narukami.  
  
Alibaba: Would you care to tell me what you know about Personas?

* * *

"They know your name!" Yosuke cried. "How--"  
  
"Oracle," Naoto said quickly, "also known as Futaba Sakura. She's a master hacker, and from what clues we have, the Phantom Thieves' navigator. Don't be fooled by the username." Yu hesistated, for a moment, meeting Naoto's eyes. Naoto nodded. "Ask her... ask about... what did you say his name was? Igor?"  
  
Though hesitantly, he wrote back.

* * *

  
Anon #1: Hello, Oracle.   
  
Anon #1: How's Igor these days?

* * *

  
Dead silence reigned again.  
  
"Holy _shit."_  Ryuji gasped. All eyes flew to Ren. "Dude! Dude, this guy KNOWS!"  
  
Ren reached for the keyboard, which Futaba reluctantly allowed.

* * *

  
Alibaba: This is Joker. Do you have the power of the Wildcard, Yu?  
  
Anon #1: I do.   
  
Anon #1: You're not the only Wildcard out there, nor is your group the only Persona users.  
  
Anon #1: We're not going to tell anyone your "secret" identities. We just have some questions, mostly about Christmas eve.

* * *

Futaba shoved Ren out of the way and typed.

* * *

  
Alibaba: Fine. We're setting up a private chat. Have your friends-- all of you-- login in your accounts or make them if you don't have them.  
  
Alibaba: We need to talk.  
  
Anon #1: Very well. It's going to take us a few moments-- in the meanwhile, why don't you settle down the AMA? 

* * *

  
Anon: WHERE DID THEY GO  
  
Anon: GIVE US THE TRUTH  
  
Anon: W H A T S  A  P E R S O N A  
  
Anon: y'all know your silence basically confirms whatever Anon #1 said  
  
Anon: WHERE DID ANON #1 GO  
  
Anon: DID YOU SILENCE THEM  
  
Joker: Settle down. We're back.  
  
Anon: WHATS A PERSONA

* * *

  
"Are you really going to do this?" Mishima questioned. Eyes were met, and Joker exhaled sharply before continuing.

* * *

  
Joker: Our inner Shadows, tamed and controlled.  
  
Anon: But aren't Shadows like, monsters or something?   
  
Oracle: Shadows are not just monsters that we have had to face-- while most are lone, everyone has their own Shadow. Killing the Shadow is what causes mental collapse and death.  
  
Joker: What a Persona is is a person's own Shadow that they have embraced and can control at will. That's the process that hurts so much that we told you about. Basically, it tries to force its way into you, and you have to gain control of it.  
  
Anon: so your own shadow tries to  _possess you??_  
  
Skull: I guess? You have to sort of wrangle it. Eventually it settles and lets you take the reins, and you control it, not the other way around, but it hurts like a bitch for the minute or so it takes.  
  
Anon: NOPE NOPE NOPE  _N O P E_  
  
Anon:

   
  
Queen: That's why it's physically impossible to cause mental shutdown in people with our abilities, and why it was impossible to change Akechi's heart. Our Personas ARE our Shadows, tamed and controlled-- in a way, we become one in the same and united. Naturally, if you can't kill the Shadow due to its being with the real person it belongs to, mental shutdown is not possible.  
  
Anon: THAT'S METAL AS FUCK  
  
Anon: HOLY FUCKING SHIT NEAT  
  
Anon: I want one  
  
Anon: so basically it's "i'll kick anyone's ass. i'll kick your ass. i'll kick your dog's ass. _i'll kick my own ass."_  
  
Joker: Kind of?  
  
Fox: Most people who gain Personas only have one, their own Shadow, but very rarely, an individual can coerce free Shadows and make them Personas, allowing them to have more than one. We're not sure why a select few can do this, but it's remarkable.   
  
Queen: Joker is one such individual; we call him a Wildcard.   
  
Anon: NICE  
  
Anon: Is that why he's your leader?  
  
Panther: Yes and no? It wasn't just that. He also is just a really, really good leader.   
  
Anon: So what you're telling us is  
  
Anon: Joker is The Special™  
  
Mona: You guys have no idea.  
  
Joker: Okay, that's enough.  
  
Anon: YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE JOKER  
  
Joker: Very funny.  
  
Anon: Wait, so, like, if you could do that... did you ever try to recruit that penis monster?  
  
Joker: ...  
  
Anon: ... **NO.**  
  
Anon: HOLY FUCK JOKER  
  
Joker: I didn't say anything!  
  
Anon: YOU SAID WHAT YOU NEEDED TO   
  
Anon:  _WHAT THE FUCK JOKER_  
  
Joker: LISTEN I USED TO BE ABLE TO MAKE NEW PERSONAS OUT OF OLD ONES, I NEEDED ONE TO MAKE A VERY SPECIFIC PERSONA, I DIDN'T HAVE IT FOR LONGER THAN A DAY  
  
Anon: WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST MAKE SOMETHING ELSE  
  
Joker: IT WAS A REALLY BITCHIN' PERSONA I WANTED TO MAKE, OKAY?  
  
Anon: I'm kinkshaming  
  
Joker: It's NOT a kink!! Ew!  
  
Joker: One of you help me out  
  
Skull: dude you're on your own  
  
Panther: Good luck.  
  
Mona: Sorry, Joker.  
  
Fox: I have no words to defend you.  
  
Queen: I disapproved of it, so no.  
  
Joker:  _ **BETRAYAL**_  
  
Noir: I thought it was fine! I really liked what you made with it!  
  
Joker: MY ONE LOYAL TEAMMATE, PHANTOM THIEF OF THE MONTH  
  
Noir: Yay!  
  
Anon: im pissing myself, holy shit  
  
Anon: Joker no  
  
Anon: RIP  
  
Anon: Can we at least see what you made with it?  
  
Oracle: Attached: Mada.png  
  
Anon: Is... is that Mada?  
  
Anon: is that the Hindu deity of drunkenness???  
  
Joker: Yeah, it was OP.  
  
Anon: why did a Shadow look like that??  
  
Joker: All Shadows basically look like fictional (and sometimes not necessarily fictional in origin; Skull's Persona was Captain Kidd before turning into Seiten Taisei) creatures made up by people.   
  
Anon: Personas can change?  
  
Anon: What were the others' Personas? What was your first one, Joker?  
  
Mona: Yes, Personas can change on rare occasion, though all of us had our initial Personas change. Mine was Zorro, and later became Mercurius.   
  
Panther: Mine was Carmen, and later became Hecate.  
  
Skull: Joker said mine.  
  
Queen: Mine was Johanna, then Anat.  
  
Fox: Mine was Goemon, then Kamu Susanoo.  
  
Noir: My first one was Milady, then Astarte.   
  
Oracle: Mine was Necronomicon, then Prometheus.  
  
Joker: Mine was Arsene, and I'm not telling you my Ultimate Persona.  
  
Anon: Why not, Joker?  
  
Joker: I have reasons.  
  
Skull: It was bitchin', though. Like holy shit, the most OP Persona EVER.  
  
Queen: That's what makes him so powerful. Not only is he a Wildcard, his Ultimate Persona is extremely powerful.   
  
Noir: It's a thing of beauty, and he hasn't let it go to his head.  
  
Joker: Well, it's pretty hard to let it go to your head when 1. I only had the ultimate persona available to actually use for like 5 minutes and 2. I'm unable to directly access my Persona.   
  
Anon: fucking nice  
  
Anon:

  
  
Joker: Very funny.  
  
Anon: What about Akechi?  
  
Joker: His was Robin Hood... or so we thought. Turns out he was also a Wildcard, and his main Persona was Loki.  
  
Anon: AASUIFHSD809UGZAH9PH AKECHI'S PERSONA WAS FUCKING _ **LOKI???**_  
  
Anon: appropriate  
  
Anon: EXTREMELY appropriate  
  
Anon: did it look like Tom Hiddleston?  
  
Oracle: No. Here, have a pic of him with it, his identity is already out. (Attached: AkechinLoki.png)  
  
Anon: that's not terrifying at all or anything  
  
Anon: can you fucking imagine what that was like? just cruisin' when suddenly ABRACADABRA IT'S AKECHI AND MOTHERFUCKING LOKI, GOD OF TRICKERY  
  
Anon: I am vaguely aroused  
  
Joker: @ anon do you need to be kinkshamed?  
  
Oracle: that's it the PTs new mission is kinkshaming; Inari can make calling cards and everything  
  
Fox: Why would I make a calling card for such a thing?  
  
Skull: Hah! Imagine it! "To so-and-so, your disgusting kinks were not kept off the internet and in your head where it doesn't creep everyone the fuck out. For this reason, we have decided to publicly kinkshame you and hopefully tame your distorted desires. From, the Phantoms"  
  
Anon: IM CRYING  
  
Anon: ASDFGHJKL;; I CANT BREATHE  
  
Anon: im down with that, Admin pls open poll for targets of kinkshaming  
  
Anon: I QUIT  
  
Anon: Waaaaait a minute.  
  
Anon: Akechi had two outfits. Did his outfit change when he switched Personas? IS THAT WHY YOU HAVE OUTFITS?  
  
Joker: Wow, holy shit.  
  
Mona: Correct, though Joker did not change clothes when he summoned different Personas. That was all Akechi; I theorize it was because it was how he viewed himself when he switched Personas in the public eye, whereas Joker did not see himself any differently.   
  
Anon: So, like... you guys said you don't have your abilities anymore, right? Does that mean you lost control of your Shadows?  
  
Joker: No. They're still inside of us as our Personas. They can only be used in specific places and under certain circumstances, which have been eliminated from our repertoire.  
  
Anon: So you guys DO still have your powers, you just can't use them?  
  
Anon: That sucks ass  
  
Anon: Wait a minute. I think that's why Joker can still use that focus power thingy Mona mentioned.   
  
Anon: bc your Personas are _STILL INSIDE OF YOU_  
  
Joker: Probably.  
  
Anon #1: Here, have a picture of Joker's ultimate Persona: (Attached: UltimatePersona.png)  
  
Joker: 1. DUDE WHAT THE FUCK 2. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT 3. I WASN'T SHOWING PEOPLE FOR A REASON  
  
Anon: THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME 10/10 BEST PERSONA EVER  
  
Anon: 11/10 with rice  
  
Anon: IM GONNA FUCK JOKER'S PERSONA  
  
Mona: Ew, Personas are an extension of the self; it's just an extension of Joker's soul. That's like saying you want to have sex with his spirit. Which is inside of him.  
  
Anon: do u think that would stop me  
  
Queen: He's taken!  
  
Joker: STAY AWAY FROM MY PERSONA THE ONLY PERSON HE CAN BE INSIDE IS ME  
  
Skull: ...  
  
Panther: ...  
  
Mona: ...  
  
Queen: ...  
  
Noir: ...  
  
Fox: ...  
  
Oracle: ...  
  
Anon: ...  
  
Anon #1: ...  
  
ADMIN: ...  
  
Joker:  ** _WAIT FUCK I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP_**  
  
Anon: I am deceased. I laughed too hard. Goodbye cruel world.  
  
Anon: AUIFBGAZRDFAVZFVBKLACBIVA8ISVOABVHAPOAZGFB I AM DYING HOLY FUCK I HAVENT LAUGHED THIS HARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE  
  
Anon: RIP my lungs  
  
Anon: OH LORD HELP ME I CANT BREATHE  
  
Anon: you heard it right here folks. Joker is the only one who can fuck his own Shadow.  
  
ADMIN: Alright, the next target for kink-shaming is Joker.   
  
Joker: ** _B E T R A Y A L_**  
  
Anon: rest in fucking pieces Joker  
  
Anon: #shitjokersays   
  
Anon: @ other PTs, approximately how red is Joker's face  
  
Oracle: He's lying down and trying to cover his face. We can still see the red. It's almost glowing. Have a cropped picture. Attached: JokerCoveringFace.png  
  
Anon: _SOMEONE SAVE JOKER_  
  
Anon: POOR BABY  
  
Anon: like ten minutes ago we were talking about how OP Joker is and now this  
  
Anon: get you a man that can do both  
  
Joker: ...next question, please...  
  
Anon: We still have more questions about Personas.  
  
Joker: Ugh.

* * *

  
Oracle: Welcome to the Persona user private chat.  
  
Oracle: Who are all of you?  
  
Anon #1: Hi.  
  
Joker: Why didn't you change your username?  
  
Anon #1: This is a TITLE, bestowed upon me. I have _earned_ it.  
  
PrinceofJunes: Dude...  
  
KungFuCop: I hope you're happy. My fiancé is so proud of himself.  
  
DetectivePrince: It's not that good of a title.  
  
Anon #1: Please stop group-dragging me.  
  
Joker: Join the club. For some reason, all of the leaders get unfairly group-dragged.  
  
Joker: So who are all of you?  
  
Anon #1: -Attached: Seekers.png-  
  
Skull: Is  
  
Skull: Is that Risette?  
  
Queen: Is that you, Naoto Shirogane?!  
  
Kouzeon: Hi!

Sumeo: Yukiko Amagi.  
  
PrinceofJunes: Yosuke Hanamura.  
  
KungFuCop: Chie Satonaka.  
  
Kouzeon: Rise Kujikawa.  
  
DetectivePrince: Naoto Shirogane.  
  
SewnStuff: Kanji Tatsumi.

2Grizzly2Bear: Teddie!

Anon #1: Yu Narukami. And you, Joker, you're Ren Amamiya, though basically everyone knows that.

Joker: You got me.

Sumeo: To the shock of no one.

PrinceofJunes: What do you guys even think a secret identity is?

Anon #1: Anyways, we just have a few questions for you.  
  
Joker: A few? Really?  
  
Anon #1: Well, more than a few.  
  
Joker: Oh boy. Here we go.


	8. Press F to Pay Respects

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided I'm gonna turn that chat with the P4 squad into its own fic so I can move on with questions. I sort of wrote myself into a corner. I'll try to get on that other chatfic soon, if enough people want it.
> 
> Thanks to the people on the DP5GCS discord for the help writing these questions!

Anon: K so we all know the girls on this team are metal as fuck and terrifying. Which girl on the team is the most terrifying?  
  
Skull: Oh, that's a tough one. I'm gonna say Noir because if you've see her fight, she has no mercy and she effin' ENJOYS it.  
  
Noir: While I'm flattered, I politely disagree. Queen is terrifying because she accidentally hit me in the stomach once when trying to hit a Shadow and it was easily the worst (... second worst, aside from getting a Persona) physical sensation I've ever experienced.  
  
Queen: I am so sorry...  
  
Noir: It wasn't your fault, and I'm not mad.  
  
Anon: holy shit  
  
Queen: That being said, I've seen Panther down four enemies at once before. There was fire everywhere. It was very impressive.  
  
Panther: Aww, thanks.  
  
Oracle: You're all wrong. I'm the scariest of the girls.  
  
Anon: How so? You're support, not attack.  
  
Oracle: I can hack p. much anything and doxx the fuck out of anyone. First, think about what I could do with that. Next... who do you think orchestrated the fall of Medjed?  
  
Noir: Actually, when you think of it like that...  
  
Anon: son of a bitch  
  
Anon:  _goals_  
  
Anon: don't ever fuck with your support, they are your lifeline and can _end you_  
  
Joker: Next question  
  
Anon: whats your statuses in DnD  
  
Oracle: We're prepping for a boss fight and Skull's dwarf fighter got into a drug deal. Or what he thought was a drug deal. Turns out it was just salt and he wasted almost all his gold on it.  
  
Anon: OH MY GOD FLSGJUBNIABSGI LMFAOOOO  
  
Skull: WHY WOULD YOU TELL THEM THAT  
  
Anon: Skull, honey...  
  
Oracle: Also, Joker rolled to seduce a dragon into leaving the team alone and he got a Nat 20 and now he has dragon babies and we're still making fun of him  
  
Joker: YOU SAID 10 OR ABOVE TO PASS THE CHECK, YOU DIDN'T SAY 20 WOULD RESULT IN SHREK-ESQUE RESULTS  
  
Anon: kinky  
  
Joker: THIS WAS NOT MY INTENTION I JUST WANTED TO AVOID A BOSS FIGHT  
  
Anon: Joker CONFIRMED for furry/scaly  
  
Oracle: confirmed, he played Nekopara (he says ironically and to his credit he laughed hysterically the whole time)  
  
Mona:  _WHY WOULD YOU TELL THEM THAT_  
  
Joker: FUCK  
  
Anon: Is your favorite neko Cinnamon and her twin  
  
Joker: first of all it's Choco and Vanilla  
  
Mona: Secondly--  
  
Joker:  ** _FUCK_  
**   
Mona: ...  _ **FUCK**_  
  
Anon: AJUBFSIUGBVAI OH MY GOD  
  
Anon: F  
  
Oracle: F  
  
Skull: F  
  
Panther: F  
  
Mona: THIS MEANS NOTHING I WAS JUST CLARIFYING-- STUFF  
  
Anon: if Mona is a cat can he even be a furry  
  
Mona: I'M NOT A CAT  
  
Anon: uh-huh. Joker tho. Furry.  
  
Joker: _I am not a furry I am a good person and I don't deserve this_  
  
Queen: ...  _Allegedly_  not a furry and a good person.  
  
Joker:  **HONEY WHY**  
  
Anon:

   
  
Anon: I can't believe Queen murdered her own boyfriend  
  
Anon:

   
  
Anon: Press F to pay respects  
  
Anon: F  
  
Anon #1: F  
  
Oracle: F  
  
Skull: F  
  
Fox: F  
  
Noir: F  
  
Mona: F  
  
Panther: F  
  
Queen: ... F  
  
Anon: speaking of furries we need to hear more about cat boy  
  
Anon: ye what was the single weirdest thing you've caught your cat leader doing besides catspreading?  
  
Panther: We've caught him sleeping on top of the shelf in his room before.  
  
Skull: Oh, yeah, that was weird, his limbs were just... all over the place and he didn't even care.  
  
Anon: sounds like typical cat napping behavior  
  
Noir: It was very cute!  
  
Anon:  _I love him_  
  
Joker: Let's move on.   
  
Anon: Do any of you spray him with a spray bottle?  
  
Oracle: YES. He hates being wet and he always makes this hissing noise like a cat when we do it.  
  
Joker: Did you have to tell them that?  
  
Anon: oh my god he _is_ a cat  
  
Skull: He also used to get into these... things where he'd stare vacantly into space and not respond or move for a long time, but he'd always come out with new Personas. One time we tried the spray bottle on him during that and it didn't wake him up so he just came to ten minutes later, really confused like "why am I wet"  
  
Panther: He also has this habit of sometimes knocking pencils and pens off desks without thinking about it. So one time when we put together a big study group, we all brought spray bottles, and when he inevitably did it, he got sprayed by every single one of us at once.  
  
Joker: Was it really necessary to do that?  
  
Skull: yes  
  
Mona: Yes.  
  
Panther: Yes.  
  
Queen: Yes.  
  
Noir: Yes.  
  
Fox: Yes.  
  
Oracle: ye  
  
Anon: Do you feed him fish?  
  
Joker: Actually... sushi is my favorite, but that has nothing to do with being a cat.  
  
Anon:

   
  
Joker: Listen, can you guys stop asking questions about me for a bit? Ask something else.  
  
Anon: did you ever feel like your lives got turned into a shitty final fantasy game  
  
Oracle: yes  
  
Skull: yes  
  
Joker: yes  
  
Queen: I've never played Final Fantasy so... I don't know.  
  
Panther: yes  
  
Mona: I'm with Queen, unfortunately.  
  
Fox: As am I.   
  
Noir: I beg to differ, our lives is an  _excellent_  final fantasy game. Full of thrills, friendship, and colorful outfits!  
  
Anon: murder queen has spoken  
  
Noir: My! What a wonderful nickname! Thank you!  
  
Anon: I love you Noir  
  
Joker: Seriously, though. Why don't you ask questions about the others?  
  
Anon: Can do!  
  
Queen: I'm not sure I like where this is going...  
  
Joker: What's the worst they could ask?


	9. Come Here To Get Group-Dragged

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the suggestions!
> 
> Also, I wrote this instead of studying because I have no self-control.

Anon: so joker, your gf has given us the lowdown on your shortcomings. payback time, how did she react to buchi-kun getting a remake?  
  
Joker: She was thrilled. It was all she talked about for at least a week.  
  
Queen: Joker!  
  
Joker: It's fine, your enthusiasm is cute.  
  
Queen: Joker...  
  
Anon: awwwwww  
  
Anon: cute  
  
Anon: speaking of cute let's do a question about Mona... who knows what nekopara is..........  
  
Mona: Only because I watched Joker play it!  
  
Anon:

   
  
~~Anon: let the human kin enjoy what he wants~~  
  
~~Anon: again can a cat even be a furry~~  
  
~~Anon: yes bc hes human kin, mona confirmed for furry~~  
  
Skull: auzsfbgUbSA9PB9aspbdgs9[bsdx  
  
Anon: whered mona go  
  
Anon: Hello?  
  
ADMIN: Mona is... indisposed for the next few minutes. Ask something else.  
  
Anon: sorry Mona  
  
Anon: so fox is obviously a very weird person, out of thievery shenanigans with not moving in a dangerous situation what is the objectively most insane thing he's ever done irl (i say irl to mean not in the thieving stuff)  
  
Fox: Who are you calling weird?!  
  
Joker: He made me T-pose in a church.  
  
Anon: LMAO WHAT  
  
Skull: When did this happen??  
  
Joker: ... Almost a year ago? Maybe longer? I don't recall exactly.  
  
Fox: I wanted to capture the anguish of Christ! To understand true passion!  
  
Fox: Besides, it's not as if Joker wasn't intrigued, at least at first; he asked if I wanted him to strip.  
  
Anon: JOKER WHAT THE FUCK  
  
Queen:  _What.  
  
_ Joker: I was joking!  
  
Fox: I would have had him do it, were we not in public.  
  
Anon: Inari das gay  
  
Fox: I'm afraid I don't understand how that could be conceived as any other form of sexuality in any way, shape, or form. My sole interest is in art and accurately depicting the wholly natural and beautiful human body.  
  
Anon: Artsexual  
  
Fox: No. There is no sexual desire involved. It is _art._  
  
Anon: Asexual  
  
Fox: ...  
  
Anon: Joker, would you have posed naked if he asked?  
  
Queen: ...  
  
Joker: No.  
  
Skull: _whipped  
_  
Oracle: _whipped_  
  
Joker: I love both of you but shut the fuck up  
  
Anon: Whipped.  
  
Joker: bruh.  
  
Noir: It's a pity, I would have loved to see the finished product.  
  
Oracle: Same.  
  
Anon: Queen would probably be okay with it if she was the only one who got to see it  
  
Queen: Don't.  
  
Fox: It truly is a pity, but the priest told us to cease our activities.  
  
Anon: hey Fox if u take commissions I'd like to commission Joker wearing nothing but his mask while T-posing Akechi into a corner  
  
Fox: Hmm. How much are you willing to offer?  
  
Queen: Fox, no, you need to hide your secret identity.  
  
Queen: Also, don't paint my boyfriend nude.  
  
Fox: A pity. Very well.  
  
Anon: RIP  
  
Anon: If you do all of the PTs (clothed) T-posing akechi, I'll pay you 100,000 yen, with a bonus 100,000 yen if you also draw all y'all personas t-posing loki  
  
Fox: ... I...  
  
Skull: holy shit  
  
Mona: No.  
  
Queen: No.  
  
Oracle: holy shit I think you broke him  
  
Joker: Sorry, Fox. Guys, please stop tempting him.  
  
~~Anon: whatever ill just commission him in person its not like any of your identities are a secret~~  
  
Anon: i was looking again at that picture of yalls costumes, have fox, panther and queen ever got their appendages (tails and that scarf) snagged on something?  
  
Queen: Oh, God. One time when I was scouting ahead, my scarf got caught on what I'll call a branch. I almost choked. Poor Joker had a conniption over it.  
  
Joker: Poor me?! You almost choked! You had a nasty bruise over your throat!  
  
Queen: I was fine!  
  
Skull: One time a shadow grabbed my scarf and I almost choked too.  
  
Panther: Oh, God, yes, tails get stuck in EVERYTHING. I can't count the number of times either Fox or I got our tails stuck in a doorway or on something.  
  
Fox: It's especially awful when we're running and get knocked to the floor by something so ridiculous...  
  
Anon: im sorry but thats hilarious  
  
Fox: Joker is no stranger to this, either. His coattails catch as well, and on one occasion, the very ends of his coattails got caught in a door.  
  
Oracle: ASGHAZU9PBA THAT WAS SO FUNNY HE KEPT RUNNING AND THEN BFUIPBGB[AZBFUABA[  
  
Noir: He got jerked back and fell on his back, rather hard, and most of his coat got pulled off, with only his arms left in the sleeves.  
  
Skull: holy shit that was hilarious, he just GAVE UP and laid there while we lost our shit  
  
Oracle: IM WHEEZING REMEMBERING THIS HIS REACTION WAS SO FUNNY  
  
Joker: Hey, this isn't pick-on-the-leader hour. Also, that really hurt. I got the wind knocked out of me.  
  
Panther: It's always pick-on-the-leader hour.  
  
Anon: IM LAUGHING  
  
Anon: agbuipgbaabsd[hs  
  
Anon: this entire team is a mess and i love them  
  
Anon: ^  
  
Anon: ^^^   
  
Anon: i cant believe we thought u guys were killers at any point  
  
Anon: yall are just big dorks with two cats  
  
Mona: We don't have any cats!  
  
Anon: yes u do, u and Joker  
  
Anon: Mona, what's it like to run your hands through Joker's fur?  
  
Joker: excuse me  _what_  
  
Mona: If you're referring to his hair, it's very soft and feels nice, but it tangles easily and it can hurt him if fingers get caught in them.  
  
Queen: I can confirm this.  
  
Noir: Agreed.  
  
Panther: Same. I've sort of learned a way to tame it, but it never looks right and it takes a minimum of an hour to do. Even then, it poofs right back out in another hour.  
  
Noir: But at least it's very soft! It's hard to resist ruffling his hair.  
  
Joker: Hey. Enough about me.  
  
Mona: Yeah, more questions about the rest of us!  
  
Anon: K. To Queen; When are you and Joker going to get married and have little phantom thief babies?  
  
Queen: What???  
  
Joker: Oh my God. Uh... whenever we get around to it in the future?  
  
Queen: I don't think any children we would have would be phantom thieves...  
  
Anon: bs yes they would  
  
Oracle: Both of them are squirming, though Joker just whispered something to Queen and she turned bright red.  
  
Anon: WHAT DID HE SAY  
  
Anon: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)   
  
Anon: SPILL  
  
Queen: No!  
  
Anon: To Oracle: Do you write fanfiction about Joker and Queen?  
  
Oracle: No, but I've found the fanfiction of all of us.  
  
Queen:  _What?_  
  
Joker:  _What_  
  
Skull: WHAT  
  
Panther: What???  
  
Mona:  _WHAT?!  
_  
Oracle: Yeah, there's a ton of fanfiction of us on AO3. A lot of it is porn.  
  
Noir: Some of them aren't so terrible.  
  
Anon:  _THEY FOUND THE FANFICTION_  
  
Anon: _ABORT MISSION **ABORT MISSION**  
_  
Anon:

   
  
Queen: I...  
  
Joker: ... I don't know how to feel about this.  
  
Panther:

   
  
Skull: im fuckigng speechless  
  
Anon: "fuckigng"  
  
Joker: "fuckigng"  
  
Panther: "fuckigng"  
  
Oracle: "fuckigng"  
  
Mona: "fuckigng"  
  
Skull:  _SHUT I DID NOT COME HERE TO GET GROUP-DRAGGED THATS JOKERS JOB_  
  
Anon #1: Sounds like you're really fuckigng mad.  
  
Skull:  _ **BRUH.  
**_  
Oracle: Joker is now ugly-laughing and Skull is shaking him thanks guys  
  
Panther: I'm taking pictures for posterity.  
  
Fox: Artful.  
  
Anon: IFANH9PAbug9PB9apbfubszg  
  
Anon: I love this team so much  
  
ADMIN: Next question.


End file.
